Dear Pastor’s wife.
I want you to know that I see you.
I’m your friend, and a lot like you.
If you called me today and just needed to pour your heart out to someone who would understand, I would understand.
The things you would tell me would be things that I have seen in other pastor’s wives, or felt myself.
Maybe we have a different size church, maybe we have a different number of kids, and maybe our backgrounds are nothing alike, but we are still a lot alike.
I see things the way you see them, even though you feel like no one sees.
And while I don’t see everything, there are many things I do see…
I want you to know that I see the way it hurts you when people hurt your husband.
I see the way it hurts you when people make comments about things they know nothing about and act like it’s just a topic of discussion, rather than a human being with emotions and feelings.
I see the way you want to get angry and just give these people a piece of your mind, but then your anger shifts and you’re angry because you aren’t allowed to be angry.
You’re the pastor’s wife.
And I know that you know that God is just, and that God is in control, but I also see the way you carry that pain with you on a daily basis.
And I see the way that you do not want to become bitter, but it’s hard to forget all the things that have gone on and the trust that has been lost.
I see the way you cry when no one is looking and then put that big, bright smile on every time you bump into someone from church, or walk into the service.
I see the way you wish people could understand how hard it is to separate yourself from all the pain and hurt you hear on a weekly basis from all the people around you.
I see the way you lovingly support your husband when most people don’t even understand what his job entails or the pressure he puts on himself to make people happy.
I see the way you so love your church and at the same time have that twinge of fear every time you open yourself up a little, because you have gotten your biggest wounds from the very people you have poured yourself out to the most.
I see the way you do jobs for the church that are so small and simple, yet no one will probably ever know you even did them.
I see the way you love your kids but hate the expectations that are put on them because they didn’t ask for that.
I see the way you struggle to decide when your kids are ok to stay home from an event, and when you will be judged because they didn’t go.
I see the way you try to ignore the fact that other people are being invited out to the girls night out, and you didn’t get the invite.
I see the way all people, all day, every day think that you are the best person to go to for advice, but then don’t understand when you don’t respond to them immediately.
I see the way you feel when people think that because they tithe, and that tithe money goes to your husband’s paycheck they have the right to know how he spends every minute of his day and every dollar of his paycheck.
I see the way you hide your designer purse from church people, even though you got it at a yard sale for a dollar, because people are so quick to judge.
I see the way you search online for houses far away so you can just move. Away. And get away from people and just feel like a normal person again.
I see all of the pain, the frustrations, the hurt, the sadness and the loneliness.
I just want you to know I see you, because it is so frustrating to feel like you are not being seen.
And I want you to know you’re not alone. Because that’s just what the enemy wants and that is so far from the truth.
And I want you to see that everything you are doing is not being wasted.
Keep loving and serving Jesus first.
Spend time with him first thing, before your day even gets started…
because if you aren’t filled up with Him, you will only have yourself to pour out to others, and that’s just not enough for anyone.
Love your husband like you love no one else. Put him above your kids, and put him at the top of your prayer list.
Pray the living daylights out of him and lift him up to the Father boldly so that he can stand and lead his family, and stand and lead his church.
Put your kids above your ministry.
People will come and go but your family will stay.
Show them that they have the priority and you would drop anything for them.
Love people. Open yourself up, carefully, but in a way that shows people you are real.
It’s ok to say you’re having a hard time, just be careful who you choose to go into detail with.
Trust.
So simple, but so true. The bottom line is that you have to trust that not only do other pastor’s wives see you, but God sees you.
Jehovah God, El Roi – the God who sees.
He sees you, sweet friend, and he is who will hold you up in the times when you are feeling so down and so alone.
He sees your tears, he feels your pain, he knows your needs and he will be sufficient for you.
Just keep holding on.
Tomorrow morning is filled with a whole new bundle of faithfulness from a gracious heavenly father who will never stop loving you.
I see you. God sees you. Keep holding on. Love, Rachelle (Pastor’s wife)